You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
