You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
