you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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