They should really pass out barf bags in church
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize