you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
