i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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