And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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