The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
