Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Still dying that you shit outside
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
