She just used a chaser for red wine.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
