Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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