She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I pour the whiskey from now on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
