I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
