Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you never un-have a 4some
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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