She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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