I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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