Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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