grandma shit on top of the toilet
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
