He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
