I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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