She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
