An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
