All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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