Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
