He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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