you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
