I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
