I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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