Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
