Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So many bounce houses so little time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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