Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
