i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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