He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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