I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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