So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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