i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize