I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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