i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
