Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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