yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
