It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
