I wannas sexs uuuuu
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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