Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

  (408): View more from California

  we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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  (202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh
  Replies (21) Good night (814) Bad night (1686)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven

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  (978): i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven http://tfl.nu/9auj
  Replies (32) Good night (13398) Bad night (1050)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..

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  (203): i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list.. http://tfl.nu/3i91
  Replies (11) Good night (4629) Bad night (742)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.

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  (913): Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go. http://tfl.nu/47sp
  Replies (18) Good night (5536) Bad night (1312)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us

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  (603): stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us http://tfl.nu/v63w
  Replies (6) Good night (5181) Bad night (904)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.

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  (734): i seriously wanted to pee on her right then. http://tfl.nu/4s0s
  Replies (15) Good night (1915) Bad night (2639)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.

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  (443): THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT. http://tfl.nu/04d2
  Replies (14) Good night (5302) Bad night (1704)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.

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  (732): I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid. http://tfl.nu/5186
  Replies (4) Good night (2854) Bad night (949)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?

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  (269): You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me? http://tfl.nu/2kws
  Replies (5) Good night (1595) Bad night (624)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.

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  (201): Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that. http://tfl.nu/wq84
  Replies (7) Good night (1448) Bad night (692)
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  (310): View more from California

  Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?

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  (310): Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK? http://tfl.nu/84zy
  Replies (11) Good night (1727) Bad night (748)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry

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  (785): Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry http://tfl.nu/dsfb
  Replies (7) Good night (645) Bad night (1358)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?

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  (614): Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text? http://tfl.nu/s4pf
  Replies (3) Good night (572) Bad night (335)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.

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  (317): debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day. http://tfl.nu/zfsn
  Replies (1) Good night (438) Bad night (263)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway

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  (503): Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway http://tfl.nu/sill
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (215)

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