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• (816): View more from Missouri

  I really want to fuck my wifes sister.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pass out mid-funnel last night.

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  These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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• (435): View more from Utah

  When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.

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  21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.

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• (555): View more from

  Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one

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• (904): View more from Florida

  My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.

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• (415): View more from California

  If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it

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