u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
