I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God