So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.