I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.