Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape