I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it