I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS