my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
