I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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