the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
