Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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