Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
