Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
