He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand Curling. That high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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