i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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