You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
