I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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