I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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