so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
