Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
