I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
