i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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