You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
