Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ok first of all what the fuck
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize