you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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