Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We left the knife in your bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
