ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
