I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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