i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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