By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
