I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
