nut hugger
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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