I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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