They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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