I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
