even my farts smell like vagina
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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