Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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