Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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