Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Randomize
