Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
