Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
