He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
