I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
